A Meeting of Witches

I think you’ve heard at least one story about the Sand Witch, and you probably remember that she hates ducks (although she loves the taste of them—when she can manage to catch one), but before now I don’t think you’ve heard much about her three sisters.

You may already know this, but witches always come in groups of four sisters. Each sister usually has quite different powers from the others. Since this story is about the Sand Witch and her three sisters, this would be the perfect time for you to learn a little something about them.

The Sand Witch was the oldest in her sister-group. The Sand Witch had the ability to control sand and dirt, which sounds like a boring and not very useful skill to have, but you might remember an earlier story about her whipping up a sandstorm big enough to destroy both North Duckington and South Duckington. That ought to tell you something about how dangerous her powers can be. (Mr. Quackers figured out how to stop that evil plan, of course, so North Duckington and South Duckington were fine—except for a lot of sand being dumped on them.)

The Sand Witch hated all ducks, but she especially hated Mr. Quackers. Before meeting him she had never met a duck smart enough to outsmart her. Mr. Q figured out how to stop her sandstorm and then he figured out how to deal with her big, scary pet, the Moss Monster. The more he did to protect the ducks, the more annoyed she got with him. She hadn’t been able to grill, roast, or rotisserie a duck since meeting him!

Due to an ancient curse that the Sand Witch was not able to undo (at least not yet), she was confined to the area in and around her home. Her home was not far from the Duckingtons, so she was endlessly being bothered by ducks.

The second-oldest of the four sisters was the Sea Witch. (She was called the Witch of the Sea, sometimes, or the Witch of the Seas.) As you might imagine, she lived in watery places and most of her powers had to do with water.

The third-oldest sister was the Witch of the Air. I’m not sure where she lived, (maybe on top of a tall mountain, or in a cloud palace of some kind), but I do know that most of her powers involved flying around, whipping up tornadoes, and other air-related things.

The youngest of the sisters was the Snow Witch. She lived somewhere so cold (possibly near the South Pole) that no one ever went there to visit her. Her powers were related to ice, snow, and other cold things.

So now you know a bit about the four witch-sisters!

The Sand Witch decided one day that what she called ‘the duck situation’ was getting out of hand. She was starting to think that Mr. Quackers might be up to something big—something that could mess up more and more of her plans—and none of her spies had been able to tell her anything about where he was. She decided to call upon her sister-witches for help.

She reached out to them using various magic items that I don’t even know any details about, and before long the sisters appeared at the Sand Witch’s house.

“Why have you called us here, sand sister?” the Sea Witch asked. She did not like being away from water for long. She especially did not like visiting the dry, sandy house of her older sister. She also did not like ducks, and there always seemed to be quite a few of those about when she visited the Sand Witch.

“Yes…” said the Witch of the Air, “why are we here?”

“I’m guessing it has something to do with ducks,” said the youngest sister, the Snow Witch. “Are you still obsessed with tormenting them, sister?”

“Grilling—” the Sand Witch corrected her, “not tormenting. Although tormenting them is also fun.”

“Enough about ducks,” said the Sea Witch. “What’s this meeting about?”

“It’s about…well…you see…um…” the Sand Witch said, not quite sure how to start the meeting.

“It’s ducks,” said the Snow Witch. “I knew it.”

The four witches talked well into the night as the Sand Witch updated her sisters on the latest happenings in and around the Duckingtons. They were especially disturbed to hear about how one of their favorite monster pets was now completely useless.

“You say this ‘Mr. Crackers’ has got the Moss Monster so upset that it won’t attack ducks anymore?” asked the Sea Witch. ”And it won’t bring you any tasty little ducklings to grill? What does the Moss Monster do all day, then?”

“It sits in my garden moping around and doing nothing,” the Sand Witch said. “I might as well have a big pile of regular moss back there that isn’t a monster at all! It’s useless! The duck’s name is ‘Quackers’, by the way.”

“Whatever!” the Witch of the Air said. “No one cares what names ducks give themselves.”

“What I care about is doing something about these pesky ducks!” the Sand Witch said. “Especially Quackers! He’s on the move somewhere in the world, and I’m pretty sure he has human friends helping him to stay hidden.”

“Ducks are always around water,” the Sea Witch pointed out. “I’m sure I can do something to put a stop to all this nonsense. I have a lot of fish I can call upon to keep an eye out for this ‘Mr. Clackers’. They’ll tell me where he is. I’ll blast him with a tsunami and bring you what’s left of him to grill.”

“That sounds like an excellent plan,” the Witch of the Air agreed. “And I’ll have some of my flying servants keep an eye on the skies, since ducks can also fly.”

“And I’ll have some of my penguins keep an eye on the icy shoreline of Antarctica,” added the Snow Witch, “but I doubt any duck would hide down there. Too cold.”

“Good ideas,” the Sand Witch said. “It seems that our meeting is done. I’ll send a letter of warning to all the ducks in the world (and to any humans who might be helping them). That should scare them into not helping Quackers. He’ll have nowhere to hide. We should be able to find him quickly.”

The four witches sealed their agreement with a strange four-way witch-hug that no non-witch human has ever seen, so I can’t describe it to you—and three of the four witches went back to whatever they did when they weren’t visiting the Sand Witch for secret meetings.

The Sand Witch used her magic bowl to mix up a message that was sent out to various ducks and humans around the world. (Don’t ask me how that worked, because I don’t have the slightest idea.)

Here’s the message that she sent:

To All Who Ask Too Many Questions About The War Between The Ducks And The Witches:

This notice will be magically sent out to those who ask too many questions. The ink will disappear and the paper will dissolve seven minutes after you finish reading this message.

For many years the ducks of East Duckington, West Duckington, South Duckington, Central Duckington, and all of the other Duckingtons have tormented the Sand Witch with their quacky complaints and their quacky picnics and their quacky joy of life. Too long they have avoided her mighty grill.

Due to an ancient curse that the Sand Witch is unable to undo, she remains confined to her home and the area around it. Hopefully not for much longer. HOWEVER, everyone knows that witches come in fours. Like the North, South, East, and West witches that the bratty Dorothy met when she visited Oz, witches ALWAYS come in groups of four sisters. The ducks of the Duckingtons have tormented the Sand Witch long enough! She has called upon her sisters for help!

Effective immediately, the Sea Witch, the Witch of the Air, and the Snow Witch will join their sister the Sand Witch in taking care of this ‘duck situation’. These three witches are not stuck in any one area; they travel the world freely.

Let all ducks around the world (and especially the ducks of the Duckingtons) (and ESPECIALLY the duck known as Mr. Quackers, whose location is currently unknown) (and any humans who may know and help him) be WARNED: the witches have a plan. You will be found. You will be grilled. Some of you will be rotisseried.

The witches will win. You might as well give up now. Mr. Q. Wherever you are, just turn yourself in!

This paper will self-destruct in seven minutes…